By 
I always believed I would be able to breastfeed; it never crossed my mind that I might not. Society instills in us that breastfeeding is expected, natural, and universally doable. There’s a constant push to breastfeed. In my antenatal class, we were shown with carefully knitted models of breasts how to latch a baby on, but no other options were thoroughly discussed. I assumed I wouldn’t face any issues.
When my beautiful baby arrived, he wanted to be fed constantly. He initially lost weight, but I was told that was normal. He latched on day and night, but barely gained any weight, and neither of us got much sleep. I remember meeting with friends and their babies about a month in. They fed their babies in minutes, while mine stayed latched the entire meal, yet wasn’t getting enough, and I didn’t realize it.
I tried everything. I pumped endlessly, extracting only a few milliliters after hours of effort, often ending up in tears and feeling defeated. Looking back, it was detrimental to my mental health.
At the three-month check, the nurse expressed concern about my baby’s weight and referred me to pediatrics. I remember that day vividly. After a chaotic moment dealing with a nappy explosion, we headed to the hospital, where the consultant kindly pointed out that I had remnants of the mishap on my face. That period of my life felt exactly like that moment.
That day, I was advised to start formula feeding. It saddened me at the time, but I followed the instructions. Soon enough, my baby gained weight, slept longer, and looked healthier. I also started sleeping more and felt happier. And as it turns out, a happier mom leads to a happier baby.
Mothers aren’t failing if they can’t breastfeed. What truly matters is that babies get the nourishment they need, regardless of the source. If you decide not to breastfeed, that’s your decision, and it deserves respect. If I could go back, I would have ended our struggle sooner. I thought I was doing what was best but wasn’t. In my sleep-deprived, hormonal state, I let societal expectations dictate what I thought was best for my baby, ignoring my instincts. Mothers know what’s best for their babies. Simply keeping a baby alive and content is a huge accomplishment. Whether a baby is fed by bottle or breast, as long as they’re fed, that’s what’s essential. Discussing infant feeding remains challenging when it shouldn’t be.
