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Many parents find themselves at a crossroads when dealing with their toddlers’ strong emotions. Often, they choose between giving in to their child’s wishes or taking a stricter approach, but neither method yields satisfactory results. The Montessori philosophy offers an alternative: trust in a child’s intrinsic motivations and empower them to shape their development independently.
In The Montessori Toddler, Simone Davies sheds light on this approach, helping parents understand toddlers better and supporting their growth with patience and positive reinforcement. The result? A more self-assured child who can effectively manage frustrations. Drawing from over a century of Montessori principles and her own experience, Davies provides a modern perspective on nurturing children’s natural development.
Key Insights on Toddlers’ Needs
- The Need to Say “No”: During the phase of self-affirmation, between 18 months and 3 years, toddlers discover their individuality. They begin to assert themselves by saying “no” and using “I,” marking a crucial step toward autonomy. This journey is not always easy, as they oscillate between independence and dependency.
- The Need for Movement: Like animals resist confinement, toddlers are inherently active. They progress from standing to walking, then to running, climbing, and lifting heavy objects in a natural pursuit of “maximum effort.”
- The Need to Explore: Montessori suggests creating safe spaces for toddlers to explore, involving them in sensory-rich activities, and allowing outdoor play. Activities like digging, splashing, or running foster discovery and engagement.
- The Need for Freedom: Allowing freedom nurtures curiosity and self-directed learning. This autonomy encourages toddlers to make their own discoveries, fostering a sense of control over their lives.
- The Need for Boundaries: Limits provide safety and respect for others and the environment, promoting responsibility. Montessori advocates calm guidance rather than permissiveness or authoritarianism.
- The Need for Order: Consistency in routines, organization, and rules helps toddlers understand their environment and feel secure. Inconsistent boundaries may lead them to test limits for clarity.
- The Need for Support During Challenges: Rather than viewing misbehavior as defiance, it’s helpful to see it as a child struggling. This shift in perspective helps parents provide support rather than react negatively.
- The Need for Patience and Impulse Control: Since their prefrontal cortex is still developing, toddlers often act impulsively. Parents can serve as their “external prefrontal cortex,” guiding them through these impulses.
- The Need for Time to Process: Instead of repeating instructions, giving a toddler a few moments to process requests often leads to better cooperation.
- The Need for Communication: Toddlers seek to connect through babbling, questioning, and imitation. Engaging in these interactions strengthens their language skills and bonds.
- The Need for Mastery: Toddlers are drawn to repetition, practicing skills until they achieve mastery. Observing and supporting their efforts builds their confidence and sense of accomplishment.
By incorporating these insights, parents can foster a balanced, understanding, and supportive environment that encourages toddlers to thrive.
